I was due to be in work today even though
it should have been a day off but for once I took the advice of those in the
know and took the day off. I woke up at
8’ish feeling tired but refreshed with a determination to give the camera a
work out. I also wanted to do some
research for my RPS distinctions project which meant visiting a few churches to
check out the state of the graveyards. I
had noticed on my wanderings that the Snowdrops have started blooming and it would
be nice to capture these beautiful spring flowers in one or to photographs for
the project. I have also been reliably
informed that shortly after the Snowdrops Daffodils will follow and one of the
churches on my list for the project always has Daffs in the graveyard.
I also took time out to walk around some of
my old photographic haunts today, good job I packed the wellies and these have
no holes in too! By the way it is a good
job I am awake (ish) as the spellchecker keeps changing wellies in to
willies. Willies with no holes in would
not be very pleasant for sure! Anyway it
was good to pay these places a visit again, it brought back memories of when I
started out on my photographic journey all those years ago, well 4 or 5 but it
seems like an eon has passed. I have
included one of the photographs I took all those years ago below. It is a bit of an arty one when I was going
through my abstract period; come to think of it I have never left my abstract
period!
Whilst I was enjoying more fresh country
air than I have experienced in a long time it got me thinking about what has
happened in my life over the last 4 to 5 years and where I am now. During that period I reached the lowest point
emotionally in my life when I lost my mother to cancer, a brain tumour called
Bob. I called it Bob as it helped me
deal with it and thankfully we only got to know Bob for a very short time. It was not until Bob had taken my mum away
from me did my world around me collapse and life became, well lets say very
blurred and mysterious. I trusted my
feelings and emotions less and less and fought against everything that was
established in my life. I trusted very
little and understood even less and searched to understand and find the core
values that I knew I could trust and hold on too.
I found solstice in photography buying
myself a camera. I started to explore
the colourful world around me from the safety of behind my camera. I would not have got through the passing of
my mum without the support of some very special people and equally my
photography. One of the last things my
mum said to me as we shopped in Waitrose the day before she was finally
admitted to hospital was follow your passion son and enjoy your photography. I shall never forget that shopping trip, we
were at the checkout all the shopping unpacked from the trolley and the
checkout lady started to scan the products when off she went. Out of the blue she disappeared off into the
shop leaving me, the checkout lady and queuing shoppers in total bewilderment. No I am just off to get or hang on a minute
or do you mind if, she just disappeared.
5 agonising minutes later she returned with a bag of tangerines as if
nothing was the matter. There was I
apologizing every 30 second to the ever increasing crowd of bemused shoppers
and staff. At the time I was a little
frustrated but looking back it was so funny.
I know Bob had a lot to do with it but she almost had the whole shop
watching as you got her tangerines.
Taking time to reflect on the period of my
mum’s illness and the dark period that followed does cause me so frustration
when I look at my life now. I have
always been a cheeky, happy go lucky chap of sorts but it is not until the last
year or so that I have released it to the world around me. The frustration comes from the fact that it
would appear that my happy go lucky outlook on life is not going down well with
a few peeps. It would appear that my
enthusiasm for my job, the desire to do well and learn and progress is not
going down to well in certain quarters.
I am sorry but having dragged myself kicking and screaming from a very
dark place I am not about to let any form of bullying spoil how I feel or
change how I behave. I cannot see how
being happy, chirpy, friendly chap who is proud of his job and being part of an
amazing team with some very good friends in is any reason to put a few peeps
noses out of joint and warrant aggressive behavior.
I have never given in to bullying and I not
going to start now, especially when I find myself in a very good place and
amongst some amazing people. People tell
me that I am obsessed with my job at Sainsbury’s but when you work amongst some
amazing people, in a fantastic team in a job that you have wanted to do for so
long it is hard not to be anything but.
I am not about to let go of how I feel, my job or those in my life that
mean so much to me.
Depression and mental illness are very dark
and nasty things; feelings and emotions are colourful and beautiful, especially
when they make you feel so good.
Physical bullying is bad enough but mental cruelty and bullying is
inexcusable period. During my time
behind my camera I have learnt to observe and see the world around me with a
lot more clarity. My eyes can understand
what they see; sadly I think this is at the expense of my heart and soul. I find myself becoming more sensitive to
peoples negative behavior, not pain or suffering but aggression and bullying. I do not get why people have to be rude,
bully or get enjoyment in intimidating others.
Maybe they don’t, there is always two sides to a story and we should
never judge completely on one facet of someone’s personality.
Wow this has been and meaningful hour. Not sure where that all came from but it felt
good to get off my chest. This is hardly
the diary of a whippy kid lol. Well I do
wear my heart and emotions on my sleeve.
I love my life, I love my job, I love those
close to me and I love my photography.
So here are a few of the photographs I took
today and one I took a few years back.
The first three are of St James The Less in Winterborne, one of the churches forming part of my distinction project.
I took this a few years ago, it is the lock on a small shed located in the corner of a field.
Well that is all for now, it is back to work tomorrow (happy days).
Until next time take care.
Si x
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