Work, rest, a cup of tea and a KISS!

It’s raining its pouring the old man is snoring, he went to bed and bumped his head and didn’t get until the morning.  Lucky beggar, I wish I could not get up until the morning.  I am still struggling to sleep at the moment and woke up exhausted this morning and the idea of going to work did not sit easy as I sat on the edge of the bed.  I got ready had a cup of tea and skipped breakfast and did not enjoy the foggy drive to work.  It was not foggy out but in my head that meant it went wherever I did and was not patchy like the real thing.

As I walked in the store part of me came to life and I started to feel a lot better, more awake and that continued when I started shopping.  I am trying to keep my thoughts and myself to myself at the moment, bar here of course, so I tucked myself away on a freezer shop again today.  Headphones on made my way up and down the isles in and out of the freezer cabinets tiredness still with me but sitting in a corner rather than on my shoulders.  The highlights of my shopping experience today, well first there was the order that filled my trolley with nothing but ice and ice cream.  No I am not kidding six totes full of lollies of all sort of description, shape and flavour, I hope it was not for a fair or party today as it has been raining all afternoon!  The second and more important of the two was being brought a cup of tea by a lovely lady with orange hair.  Now how often does that happen, I know a cup of tea, and you thought the orange hair was unusual?

I just had a thought, from the back and when wearing a high viz jacket we have our own Tango lady, how cool is that?  Now hoping that she misses today post lol.

Now you know I love my job, shopping that is, I can work and think at the same time about other things.  It was whilst shopping today I realised that I could unclutter this busy head of mine I have done it before.  All I have to do is empty my personal box out and start to put back everything until it gets foggy again then take that item out.  Hey it is a good thing I am not a cricketer otherwise emptying the box could be painful!  Then take a look what’s left and start to deal with them one by one or KISS (keep it simple stupid).

Who loves a KISS, we all do, one of the most amazing feelings being kissed whether it is a peck on the cheek, a tender and gentle kiss on the lips or a full on smooch and not forgetting the only one suitable whilst making love when almost anything goes.  Well so I am told anyway!

So the first thing is going to be working harder than ever and as many hours as I can safely do.  Over the next few weeks that is going to mean as much shopping as I can, driving and hopefully some overtime working the night shift.  Whilst doing all that looking at job options in both Sainsbury’s and out and about.  I have not been driving yet this week and that has been disappointing but once I uncluttered things, focused and sleeping well enough I am raring to go.  So tomorrow is going to be full on act mode at work, the gloves will be off and the shopping trolley tearing up the aisles then maybe some driving, we will see.

I spent this afternoon not only writing the post but also putting the finishing touches to a photography courses I have been developing.  There are three levels, getting started, beginners, and intermediates.  I will post details once I have completed the course details but getting started is someone who does not have a camera or wants to getting into photography as a hobby, beginners are peeps who have a camera and want to explore its potential and intermediates, peeps who have invested in camera gear, have been taking photographs but want to take the next step.  I am thinking about the charge to levy and am stuck between an hourly rate and a minimum of a four hour block.  I have worked up the page for the website and an advert for the local paper.  Why all the trouble, well I thought I could challenge some of my passion for photography into helping me solve some of the problems I face.  I have also been working on a redesign of my website, www.slawrencephotograpy.com, but it is not ready for release just yet.  One or two challenges to work out but it is not far off.

So you wonder what I do when sleep is eluding me, well it is playing ideas and reading.  The reading has the say at the moment.

Now in the last post I mentioned that I like signs, especially parking related signs, so here are a few of the sign photographs I have taken over the last few years.  I like signs they have a purpose and if written correctly a meaning too!

Until the next time take care.

Si x

Ops, Bang, Crash, Wallop

Keep it simple, one step at a time was the aim and it was working so well.  At the moment things are not going well as another night with only a few hours sleep testifies.  I had big plans today but thanks to the lack of sleep it was not possible to carry them out.  Instead I tucked myself up behind a trolley and quietly got on with the shopping until 8am.

The reason for the lack of sleep, a very busy head that just refuses to clear or allow me to get to my personal box that was very kindly given to me.  It is as if my thoughts and emotions have been hijacked and are being held to ransom by myself.  The addition of the uncertain concerning the flat is playing heavily and is not sitting well and I might be imagining it but something else has changed too yet I cannot get a clear picture of what.  I am beginning to think I was taking on to much to soon becoming blinkered to the fact that I needed to consolidate what I had before moving on to the next step.  So I have changed my approach slightly and it is no longer keep it simple it is KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid.  So from now on this idiot is going to listen to KISS first and fore most.  If it means losing everything bar the people I love and care for and photography then that is what is going to happen.

It is almost like I find myself sitting in a dark corner crouched with stick in hand waiting for something to come out of the darkness.  Listening to every sound and movement wondering if it is safe to move out of the corner.  I feel a bit like Arthur Dent at the moment.  I finished Douglas Adams Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy series last night, my annual journey following Arthur Dent and company around the universe.  Arthur was thrust into a place of infinite number of parallel universes and spends a troubled time trying to find home.  He succeeds briefly becoming a Sandwich marker but he was ultimately denied that privilege too and beginning to wonder when he would be at peace he has the briefest moments when he finally understands that it has arrived.  All I want to do now is make sandwiches and enjoy it, settle down somewhere that will allow me to achieve this.  A place where the day is just the right length, not to long as to become tiresome yet not to short to allow me to make just the right number of sandwiches.  A place where the weather will make its own mind up but where thunder storms are not the merest of polite coughs but good enough to clear the air ready for it to start all over again.  A place where gossip, bitching and bullying are isolated to things that live under small rocks and there are plenty of smiles, hugs and friendly faces.

Having paid my annual homage to Arthur Dent I now face the difficult task of picking the next thing to read and I am unsure in which direction I want to go.  I could briefly continue my HHGTTG journey but under the stewardship of Eion Colfer with “And Another Thing” and then face the difficult choice of what to read next.  But having finished the Douglas Adams set and not being able to sleep I hunted my Kindle library for that book on Photography projects I thought I had.  Having found it I started to read and but after an hour I was not inspired by any of the projects on offer.  I made myself a drink got myself comfortable in bed and continued reading and a few chapters later bingo a KISS arrived.  A chapter dedicated to a photography project entitled Keep It Simple Stupid.  So that is going to be my photography project for now.  It for sure it can be interrupted in many ways but that is going to be half the fun.  So the next time I go out with the camera I am going to have KISS in mind.  A photographic project where the aim is to de-clutter my head and look at the world with a fresh pair of eyes, seeing beyond what I normally see and take for granted.  What this will result in is anyone’s guess but her goes.

Personally I need to step back to the last point in time that I was feeling in control, happy and confident because I am not any of those at the moment.  This chirpy chap needs to get his head down and think and think hard.  I have lots of small thoughts populating my head and I need to sort them out and dismiss that which is not necessary or that warrants being there at this point in time.

The sum total of everything going on is not sitting pretty I only hope I have the strength and mind to make the right choices.  Sitting pretty I am not, pretty I am not.

Until the next time sleep well and take care.

Si x

Selfies, wheelie bin and parking signs.

How do account for the last few days which have been a struggle overall but positive things have happened?  Uuummm not sure how to put down what I feel at the moment but I will give it my best.

Well it all started with the confirmation that my landlord wants to sell up which means a new roof over the growing bald patch.  At first I did not think the news would be so upsetting until I realized that the flat has been my home for the last 6 years and I experienced so much in that time.  I have grown attached to the place as a result and it is going to be a wrench if and when we have to leave.  One of the downsides to renting I guess.  It is a matter of keeping the flat in good order and seeing how things pan out I guess whilst hunting for a new place to live.  So I guess you could say I am feeling a little sad at the moment.

I also spent rather a long time on the telephone talking to various organisations and companies trying to sort the finances out and seek help and advice.  It is amazing how helpful people are if you approach them calmly and with a cheery tone even if inside you are screaming and pulling your hair out.  There is also no point letting the emotions out when help is or is not forthcoming, it helps no one, certainly not the costumer care assistant on the other end of the phone.  I don’t now if you remember but I recently had a battle with a mobile telephone provider when attempting to cancel three accounts that I had but no longer used.  A battle that involved many phone calls, emails and letters and two debt recovery agencies and thanks to the help of the agencies a battle I successfully won.  It was interesting that the very people who were chasing an outstanding debt were the people who helped me out and resolved the situation.  It strengthens my belief that being open and honest does work and is the right approach.  Well a few days ago letters pertaining to the accounts arrived on the doorstep now stating that the mobile telephone company now owns me money and that I have to call them to get it back!

With a smile I gave them a ring on my mobile phone that is with the same provider and then spend the next 5 minutes going around the automated menu system trying to find the options I required.  Do you think I could, nope not a cat in hells chance and the reason was a fairly simple one?  Because I had rang on my mobile that uses their service it pick up the number and tailored the services available to suit the package I have.  Now that is all well and good and top marks for being very clever and using technology to its best but if you are going to do that at least provide an option to access other services.  In the end I had to resort to using a landline and after being offered an iPad for not leaving I got the refunds authorised.  I did point out that the accounts were closed when offered the iPad and the response was well if you open a new one we can make the offer but you have to commit to a minimum 18 month contract.  You have to hand it to these peeps that are nothing but persistent.  I had a very helpful conversation with the local council and although there was very little they could do I at least learnt something that I can take away for future reference.

I could feel things starting to get on top of me yesterday and my head was very busy and crowded so something had to be done, enter stage left my camera.  It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and there was a gentle breeze toying with the trees, running along the paths and around the houses.  So I arranged to meet up with a photographer friend of mine but before hand I took the camera for a walk around the town center and its outskirts.  The moment I stepped out into the sunshine with my camera in hand the clouds in my head cleared and a spring in my step came back.  I spent a few hours prior to meeting my friend taking photographs; watching the world go by and discovering what had changed since my last visit.  Not much although the town seems to be turning into a hairdressers haven at the moment with two more opening!

Never one to miss out on an opportunity for some Vivian Maier style self portraits I hunted down anything with a reflective surface specially if it had different textures or tones and contrast.  During me stroll I took a detour through the churchyard, a place I have visited countless times but on this occasion I spotted something different.  The grounds men had clearly been cutting the grass and weeds back but for some reason had left a patch untouched and that got me thinking, how could I incorporate it into a composition including the church.  I must garner some assuming looks from passers by when working a scene with me standing, crouching, sitting and laying on the ground.  Peeking from around a gravestone or tree or just laying there looking up at the clouds savouring the moment camera resting on my chest.

It recharged my batteries, well the mental ones for sure and I got home feeling a little more at ease with myself.  I logged on to my computer to upload the images only to find an email from someone with reference to one of the items I have for sale, Oh good I thought an interesting customer!  Nope it turns out to be another seller who is offering the same product only his is more expensive and he was was a company.  The message was to the affect that I was not allowed to sell this item and if I did not remove it they would report me to Amazon and I would be in serious trouble.  It was written in very broken English so it took several reads to begin to understand what they meant.  So I politely composed a reply stating that I was a private seller and that I was perfectly entitled to sell my personal belongs provided they come within Amazons rules and regulations, which they do.  I also added that I had forward they email on to Amazon for reference.  I am not sure what people think when they threaten someone, for them to just role over and do as they are told.  Well this chap was and is not going to do that for sure and the best way of dealing with behaviour like that, remain calm, be polite and keep to the facts.  Strange that I have not heard anything from them since!

I also had a visit to the doctors to review my medication and give her an update.  The good news is that my blood pressure is heading in the right direction and has gone from being high to be "OK" now.  It is not when it should be but it is better than it was.  We also discussed timescales for me coming off my anti-depressants and we will review them towards the end of the year.  I am still losing weight and the belt tightening is the only thing keeping the trousers up at the moment.  The diabetes side of things have settled down which is encouraging.  Having let my anxiety levels grow over the last week I am determined to not let it happen again, I need to focus on getting myself through of the challenges I currently face and support the people who need me.  I need to focus on those who matter, my current situation and work and not let stupid rumours and gossip have their say.

I am also mindful that in a day or two I am going to be returning to the place I spent so much time with my mum during her final days.  As I sit here now I am finding that prospect a little daunting but I know that come the day I will be alight.  Well it is onwards and upwards and the next four or five days at work are going to be very busy which is good.  Hopefully I am finally getting out and about driving tomorrow and I need to approach that with confidence and in a relaxed manner.

So on to the photographs.  The first set are the self portrait or selfie's as they are called

The next two are some of the candid and more abstract things I saw whilst on my walk about.  I am guessing that the t-shirt has been left by someone returning home from a night on the titles.

The next one caught my attention, rather than find somewhere suitable to dispose of their rubbish and realising that they cannot fit it in the bin they just dump it.  I call it "Missed"

Now I love clouds they are so beautiful and so individual and I love spending time laying on the ground and watching them make their way across the sky.  For me the clouds are like the thoughts and memories of the sky dark and heavy when they are angry and light and wispy when they are playful.  Deeply thoughtful when they are big and tall and the skies mind is blank when there is a clear blue sky.  When it is grey and overcast it is confused and anxious.

The next set are of St Mary's church, the weather was just perfect and I had a lot of fun including the patch of uncut grass into the various compositions I found.  I was limited to my composition options because there was some sort of social gathering in the church and cars were parked all over the place.

I must admit this next one made me giggle, the idea of a wheelie bin being placed next to the tombstone of someones grave and trying to hide the fact behind a plant.  I think it was only there temporarily but it does not feel or look right.  I almost moved it but it was not my responsibility to do so, hopefully it is no longer there.

Now I have a thing for photographing signs, especially parking signs so could not resist this next one, it just had to be taken.

Until next time take care.

Si x

Mini rant and loo roll.

It was back to work today and it felt good to be back especially to be back amongst so many smiling faces.  I never tire of a smile and try and wear mine as much as I can.  I even got asked today why I was grinning from ear to ear and at one point why I was laughing out loud yet was on my own.  Happy thoughts, just happy thoughts and glad to be back at work, not sure how I will feel after my return to work but then I understand the consequences of my actions over the last week so hopefully no surprises.  Time at work went quickly and it was good to be going home after 4 hours.  Why well come 7.30am I hit a wall with tired written all over it in big red letters?  No it is not because I have not been pulling my finger out for the past week having not been at work but more to the point that once again I did not get any sleep last night at all.  The reason was largely down to some news I had earlier in the day but the fact a young couple was holding a party until the early hours of the morning not a few doors away combined with the heat did not help.  The party noise was punctuated by the cries of a young toddler calling out for his dad throughout the night because he could not settle down to sleep due to the muggy weather.  I always feel for young kids when they are not settled and it is difficult to explain to them that there is very little that can be done sometime to ease the situation.  I watched the clock tick its merry way around to 2.30 and whilst I was doing so I continued to follow the adventures of Arthur Dent.

I like Arthur he is my sort of chap, an ape like descendant who’s home planet was destroyed by a bureaucratic mind numbingly thick race of aliens called the Vogon’s.  A race that is big, butt ugly, ill tempered and generally considered to be the meanest race in the known galaxy, I could challenge that claim but I have only ever read about Vogon’s never met one.  Saved by the wacky Ford Prefect he spends the next few years traveling the universe being treated to numerous attempts by various races to blow him up, falling in love, meeting the President of the known galaxy, a depressed robot and learning to fly.  Give him his due to took roughly 5 earth years for him to go mad and a short space of time afterwards to find himself somewhere that suited him down to the ground.  The majority of the time wearing his dressing gown, slippers and armed with an electronic book, a towel and associated bags.

It was whilst reading that I put together the news I had received early in the day, Arthur Dent and my thoughts on my photography, specifically the word creativity together.  The human race has, according to us, evolved from a primate of some description over the last 50,000 years.  Now I know evolution if you take our record into account means progress, a positive thing, to become better and more evolved!  Really because I sometimes doubt it especially when I see certain types of behavior!  We appear to be unique in having the ability cause others pain and misery without any just cause and appear to take pride and joyment out of it.  Sure it would take a lot of monkeys and type writers before they recreated the works of Shakespeare were as one ape like descendant could do that themselves.  You give an monkey a stick he will not set about beating others with it unless their personal or a member of their groups safety was at stake.  No he would wonder off and find a hole in the ground or a tree and use it fish out whatever tasty morsels were lurking inside.  He would not just wonder over to another member of the group and bash them on the head just because they felt like it.

Well the current evolved version of the ape like descendant does and appears in a lot of cases to show no remorse either.  It baffles me completely why even at the most basic of levels, gossip for instance, we take pleasure or feel the need to concern ourselves with the business and lives of others without actually taking an interest in that person what so ever.  In fact more often than not display nothing but contempt and a lack of respect even though they do not know the individual in question.  The laughable thing about it all is that the majority of the time they do not get anything right because they make no effort to find out for themselves.  I could be wrong but you don’t see two Pigeons sat on a roof one saying to the other, you see what Fred has been up to lately, the way he has been flying, loved to know who he gets away with it.  Two beavers sat on the bank of a river and one says to the other “Just look at that dam, they are just showing off as there was no reason to build it that high and to use that type of wood.”  The other replies are we off to build one further down stream to which the first replies “Why we can make use of this one?”

I never take any stock by gossip; let them feel their boots I say but where I draw the line is when it upsets either the person being targeted or someone else.  Sadly the majority of the time you only ever hear it via a third party, gossip, or from the victim who experienced it in isolation.  Is this what being evolved is being all about?  50,000 years of evolution and some resort to things like this, evolved my ar$e.  We are so dependent on so much now a days, we are becoming so cocooned in smaller and smaller groups and boxes.  I know I harp on about them but computers, we cannot survive without them now and removing them would without a shadow of a doubt cause a breakdown in social order.  Imagine all the cash machines stop working, the majority of transactions are by card now a days so there would be a mass rush to the banks to get money out.  They do not have enough to sustain demand and there is not enough in circulation to cope either.  We spend so much of our time in front of screens of various sizes getting our fix on the world around us.  Another reason I like photography it gets me out and about actually exploring the world around me.

There was no money 50,000 years ago, you found your food and water and shelter the best you could.  The only thing that could fail is you if you were not savvy enough.  No going up to the hole in the wall and panicking when your three rocks and two pebbles fail to present themselves and it has eaten your leaf.  I guess it was also more of you are not just going out to diner but possibly becoming diner too!  What about dating, courtship and love, I guess it was a few grunts then it was all over.  Not much change there then?!  There was not waste, you ate your fill and nature had the rest.

But back to my point, on the whole the animal kingdom tends to work as a group for the good of the group.  Even action or reaction is for the good of the whole and not the strangely perverse pleasure of one individual.  So if this is what being evolved is all about someone give me a stick and point me in the direction of the nearest anthill.  I do not think digital watches are a good idea and hate the thought that pushing blue and brown pieces of paper or wielding a piece of plastic is an exciting idea.  In some respects I think it was a bad idea coming down from the trees, some say leaving the oceans was a bad idea.

This then got me thinking again, I know all these thoughts in such a short space of time, just goes to show what a lack of sleep does for one.  I have been trying to get my life into some sort of order, something I can relate to and work with and in order to do that I have been making things a lot simpler and changing much of what I do.  If you know this blog or me you know what I am on about.  A fresh start of sorts and that is where the latest thought comes in.  It is not the first time I have had this thought or shared it with anyone but it keeps coming up so there must be something in it.  Having lived in Thatcham all my life maybe it is time for a change of scene, somewhere new with new opportunities.  Naturally it is not going to happen short term, one needs to short out a few things first but it is worth keeping a mindful eye on that one.

Now I have a question on a serious matter, you know the toilet roll manufacturer who planets a new tree for every pack of rolls sold?  Well at what point do we start patting our bottoms with loo paper made from those, just a thought?  Also why are my M&M’s smaller than the ones on TV?

Well I am off now as it is off to the doctors tomorrow which is possibly going to mean another rollicking and I have a chap coming around about the flat.  Oh if you were wondering what the shock news was the other day it looks like I might have to move as the landlord wants to sell up.  Not excellent news when there is no money to live on let alone move.  That means getting the duster and hoover out, tidying the spare room, putting out the rubbish and acting causal and normal when he comes around.  I might struggle with the last part but hey tell me what natural and normal is and I will give it a try.  I also have a battle with the local Council to wager but as I know how they work so I might just have the advantage there or a lot of fun!

So I am off to continue the adventures of Arthur Dent and then face a quandary as to what to read next.  I have the 50 Shades of Grey series on my Kindle but I think that will be just too much excitement for this clean living chap.  I think somewhere on my Kindle there is a book containing 50 Photographic Projects, I might take a scan through that.  You see that is the problem when you have over 400 books in your library it is decided what to chose next.

Before I forget I would also like to openly thank everyone who has provided words of support, all have been warmly welcome and helpful.  I also found out that I have a new reader of my blog, one that took me by surprise too and before you say anything yes today’s post was a bit of a rant but it is sometimes better out than in.

Take care, sleep well and smile as much as you can, trust me if feels so good.

Si x