On the move.

Well things have changed a lot for this chap over the last couple of days and one of the changes has been to this blog.  I have moved it on to a more permanent footing and I will no longer posting to this site.

If you wish to continue to follow my blog please drop me an email at  cheekysi@outlook.com with your name and email address I will reply with the address of the new site.

Thank you following my blog on this site and look forward to seeing you on the new one.

Kind regards

Si

Change but not for changes sake.

Today (Saturday) Matthew I will be a General Assistant or GA at work instead of a shopper.  After a very difficult Friday it was nice to having a normal day, sorry I do not mean normal I mean more relaxed, there is no such thing as normal that is for sure.  Aside from work I also did a lot of reading the majority of which was photography related.  The reason for munching through a lot of photography related books is that my photographic journey is currently undergoing a change.

I think I have said it before but the “Keep it simple” philosophy I have adopted is even been applied to my photography and I have started to educate myself on how best to approach the change and what I need to do.  My website has already under gone a few small changes and I am now seriously giving thought to what projects I want to involve myself in aside from completing my NYIP photographic course that is.  I have been treating the sale of my camera gear as a bit of a negative but over the last few days with all that has gone on I have turned it around into a positive.

I have to admit I still feel numb thanks to the events of last week but I have started to draw strength from it and I am turning it all around into a positive.  I still feel very angry that the fact I have expressed myself in this blog means I have had watch certain doors close that were once open.  For sure I respect the reasoning behind it and it has helped me decided on where things are going if more doors are closed.  I have gained a very healthy respect for my second home this week, the home that is Sainsbury’s.

The retail industry is a very different beast to the one I spent most of my working career in, IT.  It is totally different in just about every way possible and for the most in a very positive way.  I am not sure whether I have been bitten by the service industry and or retail bug, I am not sure they are one and the same but they are closely related for sure.  Despite all the issues I have faced I still get a buzz out of being at work.  I have only been in the retail industry for 10 months but in that time I have experienced and learnt so much and a lot of it new to me.

This chap has learnt some very hard lessons but he is going to put them in to practice from now on, grow a pair, hell no I have grown a tree full.

I do have some exciting news with regard to this blog too, no it is not going away but it will be moving.  I have found a new host and obtained a website address and I am currently building a new site.  I am currently drawing up a design and drafting a site and pondering whether to import this blog in its entirety or just provide a reference point to it.  Not sure how long it is going to take but I will let you know when it is moved.

Another part of keeping is simple and applying lessons learnt but things will not change to much,  This chap needs his blog just as much as I need my photography, the love of my life and friends.

Today was also the 16^th birthday of one of my daughters, a very special lady and I am proud to have been there when she came into this world.  I am proud of all my kids, they touch this world we live in with their own personal magic and signature and they should be proud of that.  I am very proud of them.

Well I have gone off enough for now; I have a new blog to design and the news to catch up on.

Si x 

Waiting to make a step change!

Today was a step change for me, a day that saw a few lessons come home to roost and hopefully will see me take the next step in my road to getting my life back to normal.  Lol I love that word normal it can mean so much.  When I say normal I mean that I have hopefully taken the next step in my road to recovery from that very dark place that I once found myself in.

I have taken step one in getting a dream job.  It is difficult to explain how much my current job means to me.  I think I have documented it well enough here and elsewhere to explain more.  I have never felt so committed to a job, enjoyed a job so much or got so much pleasure from a job before, especially in the space of just 6 to 8 months.

I have worked long hours, at times run myself into the ground but each day I walk across the threshold of my place of work is as refreshing as the last.  What is different and something new to me is the environment I work in, I have to say that retail is unlike anything I have experienced before.  It is a complete step change for sure after spending so many years stuck in front of a computer screen, well 25 years to be precise.

Well having learnt a number of very important lessons today things are going to change as I am not about to take a step backwards.  I have stuck a stick in the ground when it comes to my first step in my recovery and that means I am going to stay committed to my job and my employer so long as they want me.  I am not going back to IT period so I am committed to working somewhere else and the retail industry seems like a very exciting one for sure.

Things are also going to change on the blogging front too but more about that later.  Oooooooo what is the change going to be, well that would be telling but there is a change a foot.

I have also been making changes on the photography front too.  Whilst off I took a very long hard look at my photography, mainly as I have had to sell a lot of my equipment but also as I had been holding off on applying to many changes.

As you know I have been trying to apply the “Keep it simple” approach to things and as it would turn out I have not been entirely successful but at least I am now more focused and know what I need to do from now on.  Whilst I have sold some of the equipment that I treasured I have now got a plan that will see me focus on my photography and more importantly photographic projects that will see me portray more of myself and I do not mean that literally.

I am going to complete my NYIP photography course and then focus on my RPS distinction project and focus on the subjects of architecture and street photography.  Photography has been my soul mate and it will always be that especially as I am finding it more and more difficult to express myself openly.

Although I feel good about today I will go to bed with a lot of questions without answers but I think most will be answered shortly.

Until next time take care.

Si x

A good Job

As you know I struggle from time to time with emotions and feels and have had a personal roller coaster ride over the last 3 years.  With the help of friends and professional peeps I have managed to get myself to point where it feels like it is more difficult to take a step backwards.  Any step backwards is not a good thing especially given the dark and cold place I have come from.

I have to admit that all the financial, housing, and drinking issues I have are starting to take its toll on my resolution.  Equally the gossiping and bullying I am facing is making it harder and harder to stand fast and given the enjoyment that seems to be taken from this I am sure this will further lighten the mood.

I have been on holiday or annual leave as I call it this last week I have had time to think about all of this.  The fact that some of my camera gear is now starting to sell means that I am slowly working my way towards getting myself in a position to deal with the possibility of having to move.  On the downside I am selling things that my mum allowed me to buy and that does not sit well at all but I have no one else to blame other than myself and I have never done so either.

What I have found difficult is not having anyone to talk to and no that does not mean I cannot talk to my partner, she has been a rock through all of this.  I doubt there would be many who would have put up with me over the last 4 to 5 years.  Not only did I introduce alcoholism and financial insecurity into their life but one very emotionally mixed up chap.  We do talk and yes sometimes they find out my current thoughts through my blogging but then so do I.  I have friends who have been very supportive and offered advice and that has kept me going.  So have the frequent life style posts I get on my Facebook news feed, I call them gentle reminders.  Then there is this blog which is basically me talking to myself, getting my thoughts out so I can understand them, or try to understand them.  So if you ever wonder why some posts do not make any sense that is because I am not making any sense myself.

Take today if it was not for the fact that I had to post some camera gear I sold last night I would have stayed in bed for a lot longer than I did.  I did not want got get out of bed this morning, mind you it was the early hours of this morning that I finally went to bed.  After visiting the post office where I caused a bit of a stir by making everyone laugh to loudly which made the store manager come out of his office.  She was not assumed I could tell you, you’d think we were in a library the look I got.  You get asked so many questions now a days when posting something I thought I would head them off at the pass by saying “It is worth less than £100, it requires no batteries, is not electronic, it is not breakable and therefore can take a good beating, is not for business purely pleasure and yes the package shape is a little strange.”  Still it made me feel better for getting out of bed that is for sure and made the staff and customers laugh.

I’ve have been reading a lot when I am not sleeping and have spent some time with Charlie Chaplin, Steve Jobs, Winston Church to name a few.  So it was a pleasant surprise when I saw the following quote from Steve Jobs on my Facebook news feed.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.  Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.  They somehow already know what you truly want to become.  Everything else is secondary.” – Steve Jobs

Steve’s life was cut short by the big C and we were robbed of a genius and I am proud to be the owner of one of he legacies, an Apple Mac.  It is more than a computer, it is the romantic visual of someone who designed and created things with a passion.  You look at a desktop computer from the likes of say Dell or HP, look at their design not the technology as all share the same technology.  They are function yet uninspiring, they have no grace or form, you put it on your desk and yes it is your sunny new computer but it soon becomes another part of the future.  You own an Apple computer you do not own a piece of future, you own something that is alive and part of you.  It has feelings and emotions and becomes part of your life.  If you get this great if not sorry but I cannot put it any other way.

It is like my camera gear, I did not buy it because it was the best or the market leader or the one all the reviews said I should have.  No I brought it because the company who manufacture it, Sony, took the time to understand my requirements, always answered my questions and were only focused on my needs and not bashing the competition as well.  There was the personal touch something that was sorely missing from everyone else and something I value more than anything else.

Anyway back to Steve Job’s quote, a quote that has struck a cord and helped me clear up a few things and stick a steak in the ground with a sign on it saying one way only.  Timely I think.

I am a sensitive chap and my heart is on my sleeve and the majority of my thoughts are out in the open.  I am polite to all that I meet, even those who outwardly show nothing but contempt for me and my very existence, and although I have a thick skin I do struggle with negativity, nasty behavior and bullying.  I do find it hard to understand when a friendship or relationship turns from being friendly to not so without rhyme or reason.  I don’t use others to find out why, I do not use the gossip mill to help, and I only talk to the person involved 1 to 1 if I can.  I have let the gossip and bullying nag me to long and it stops here.

As Steve says you have a limited time and I have wasted enough of it living my life based on other’s thoughts and opinions.  Someone does not like me that is fine so long as they keep that to themselves or comes and see me about it, someone has a problem with me or something I have said or done that is fine I am happy to talk but not in public or find out via the gossip mill.

Before I continue I need to own up to not taking my medication this morning, see what happens when I let things get to me.  It might explain why I am feeling a bit weird or is that weirder than usual.  Now I know I am just about to get a telling of having announced this so hang in the post does continue, I hope!

I need to find the courage to follow my heart and intuition from now on, which I think I have started to do today.  I have a big heart and a lot of passion and feelings and I know that is not a bad thing, something to start of with.  The idea of keeping it simple is slowly working and over the last few days I have already decided to make some major changes to my photographic ideals.  Find the courage I say, maybe it is already here yet I did not know I had it?

From this point on things are going to be different thanks to the little nudge I got from Steve Jobs.  I am not going backwards as if I do I am very scared of what that means given how I feel at the moment.  I am not going back to that dark place, that was not funny and I am not going to let anyone push me there either.

So from now on I am going to listen to my heart and intuition that is what is going to guide me from now on.

Until the next time take care.

Si x

Out of sorts of sort

Hasn’t it been warm and muggy of late and what about that thunderstorm the other day?  Personally I love thunderstorms, they are so dramatic, powerful and intriguing.  Watching the sky come alive and the contrast between the dark heavy clouds and the bright lighting is so exciting.  That pause between the lighting and the start of the thunder.  I love how the thunder rolls around the sky making such a rich and deep sound with the occasional sharp slap of thunder just to make sure you were paying attention.  I would love to know what it would be like to be in the middle of a thunderstorm, all that energy and power I bet it would be one of the most exhilarating feelings ever.  A lot of people I know spend all winter waiting for the hot weather and sunshine to come.  Me I don’t have a favourite season or type of weather I love them all.  Well that is not entirely true at the hit of my hay fever suffering in my early teens I longed for rain or autumn and I love rain.  There is nothing better than standing out in the rain looking up at the sky and letting the rain run down your face.  That is unless you have a friend, who like you likes wearing oversized baggy jumpers and standing in the rain.  The two of us use to just stand out in the rain with our baggy jumpers on getting soaked enjoying a glass of wine and chatting.  It was a 1,000 more times refreshing than any hot shower I can tell you and I never caught a single cold or became ill as a result.  It has been a while since I did that but that is mainly down to the fact that someone threw out all my baggy jumpers.

Aside from storm watching what have I been doing?  Well over the last few days trying to get to terms with something that came out of the blue.  Once again there appears to be someone or a group of people taking enjoyment at spreading rumours about me, again the reason is unknown.  I have been on holiday over the last week yet it has come to light that this is in fact not the case.  No according a select few I am in fact suspended from work because I turned up for duties completely drunk.  This is almost as good as the previous one, not quite, but almost.  I am at a lost as to way anyone would bother making something like this up other than to cause me distress and harm.  It did upset me at first not only because it is not true but also it not only affected me but others as well.  I like last time if I find concrete evidence of where this started I will be taking the necessary action but unlike last time I will not stop because of a half hearted sorry.

I have been trying to get my head around why and I do not and cannot figure it out.  Not only that it amazes me that someone can have so little time on their hands to spend it having a poke at me.  After a few days of getting on top of it I am not going to let it get on top of me.  In fact it has made me stronger and more determined to deal with these petty challenges if directed at me or someone else I am close too.  Why do people say so hurtful things, gossip about others especially when they know nothing about them?

Anyway whilst it took up a few days of my time on and off and cost me some sleep I have pocketed it away and if it continues it will be dealt with in the proper manner.  Stupid gossip aside I have been busy working on thinking about the future and applying my keep it simple approach.  This has meant me thinking a lot about my photography and where I want to take it and I have made a big decision.  I am going to focus my efforts on my church, architectural and street / contemporary photography.  This means that a lot of the photographic equipment I have is no longer required so I have been listing it on the web to sell and some of it I am going to change.  Not only will this help me out with my current financial situation but also it will help me focus my mind on my photography.  I am easily distracted and if I have a lens I will try and chance a photograph or theme that I am not focused on.  I need to stop being the Jack of all themes of photography and focus on becoming a master of one or a few.  I should have applied this lesson at the beginning but like working career, especially IT, I was a Jack of all trades and a master of none.  I knew a lot of IT but not enough about a single specific subject.  I am so passionate about photography I do not want it to become a watered down muddy pool like my IT career.  I will not bore you with the details of what camera gear etc, I’ll leave that for me photography blog.

So it has been a lot of reflecting, thinking, deciding and listing.  Not sure what tomorrow is going to bring but then that is another day.

Until next time take care.

Si x