Pens

I want to talk about biros, ballpoint pens, Bics or just plain old pens.  Have you ever wondered about the life cycle of a pen, what happens when they are no longer of any use?  Well I want to expand and share a theory first mentioned by Douglas Adams.

We all love stationary, pens, notebooks, pads, rulers, rubbers, paper clips and folders, if we didn’t places like WH Smiths and Staples would go out of business.  Yet no matter how much we buy there is never what you want around, you always end up using the last one before you know it!  You buy 10 ballpoint pens in a pack, take them home and put them in your desk draw, cupboard, school bag or stationary draw.  You eagerly break the pack and select one before putting the rest safely away.  You grab a scrap of paper, take the top off and scribble in circles until the ink starts to flow and with a smile put it in your pen pot, tray or bag.

There it stays and over the next few weeks you causally use and abuse the pen thinking nothing of it apart from a slight hesitation before pen meets paper wondering if it will work first time.  We all hate that fight to bring a pen back to life when we are in queue or hurry to make our mark.  Then one day you go to get it and it is not there, you search your draw, bag or cupboard but to no avail.  You heart sinks, frustration sets in and you panic as you have to sign that document, write the shopping list or write down the order number of the new pair of shoes you just ordered on the internet, you can never have enough shoes after all!  The panic subsides as you remember you have 9 other new and unused pens in a safe place.  You rush to the safe place, open the draw, bag or cupboard and search for the pack.  Your heart beating you find it and take a new pen out, the anticipation of that initial fight to bring it to life racing through your veins.  So much so you do not notice that there are not 9 pens as there should be but 5 or 6.  You breathe life into the new pen and rush off to complete the task in hand oblivious that something is amiss in your stationary life.

This cycle is repeated two or three times and the realisation that something does not add up comes to late and you find no pens, just an empty pack reminding you of the joyful day you brought 10 shiny new pens.  But hang on you have only used 3 or 4 pens where have the rest gone?  You ask your partner, kids, you search the draw, bag or cupboard over and over again; you go around each room in the house the despair growing with every minute.  The anger and frustration mounts, you need a pen, you need that pen, you need one of the ten you brought not so long ago, and nothing else will do.  You know in you minds eye that your search is thankless but you continue feeding the frustration until it becomes so desperate that you grab the nearest alterative, a permanent marker or highlighter pen.  Both completely unsuitable for the task in hand but you bravely struggle on.

The panic over you sit and ponder the missing pens, you were to lazy to put the old ones in the bin even if they failed to work once and still had ink to use.  Days pass and you finally get around to going to the stationary store to replace the set you brought.  Like an kid with pocket money burning a hole in their pocket you skip into the store and make a bee line for the pens.  Which ones will you have this time, will you go for some Bic’s or something up market and blue ink or black.  The choices are colourful and numerous but you finally decided on your old favourite and another pack of 10 is put in your shopping basket.  Of course it is a long way to the checkout, you have got to get past the folders, envelopes, dividers, pads, notebooks and that new Filofax you have been promising yourself.

You race home with the anticipation of breaking the seal on the pack and coaching the first pen into life.  You open the desk draw, bag or cupboard and there staring you in the face are 6 or 7 used pens and three new ones!  They were not there before, you were sure of that, after all you turned that draw, bag or cupboard inside out numerous times!  Out of shear madness you grab one and try it, it does not work.  You try another, the same, and another and another until it becomes to much and you throw them in the bin, a crime for sure as with a bit of effort they will come alive again but you have new pens, shiny new pens and only they will do.

If you want to know what happens next start reading this post again!!!!!!

I’d like to think that it is not the partner, kids or our forgetful nature that is the cause of this phenomenon and that there is a simple explanation.  Like all things that are discarded, miss used or neglected the pens seek a better life and using ripples and holes in the fabric of space and time make their were to a better place.  In this case Biro plant, a place where ballpoint pens of all types can retire safe in the knowledge that they have lived an active and full life.  When it is time to go they come back and haunt the person who so shamelessly discarded them, teasing them one final time.

This is one reason I do not buy pens any more and only write using a computer and a word processor.  That and my hand writing, spelling and grammar are so bad that no one would understand a word I say.  I am surprised they do now but hey.

By the way today has been an excellent day, relaxing, chilling and enjoying the beautiful weather.

Until the next time take care.

Si (Socks) x