Today has been a struggle if I am honest,
well the start of the day was. I felt the
dark clouds gathering and it felt as if I could do very little about it. I felt very emotional for most of the morning
and work was difficult to manage, I felt disjointed and confused. Again the lack of sleep compounded things but
I did not feel right. I did manage to
detach myself the parts of work that are less pleasant and that felt good. I think I have got myself into a good place
at work and feel that it would be very difficult to take and steps backwards
now. I have got that battlefield covered
and any surprise attack by anything dark or nasty will be in for a surprise
that is for sure. I am not about to give
up the ground I made up so far. So
puffing my chest out and standing proud it is onwards and forwards.
Having made the decision to tackle my
drinking problem I pushed all the other issues to the back of my head. I thought that doing that was taking “the”
small steps so many had been telling me about.
It was a step in the right direction but the problem is bigger than I
thought and I started to panic. My mind
was still working on weeks, months and years rather than a day at a time. I got myself hung up on what can I do in the
coming weeks and months to win this battle and tried to think about every
detail. To quote “I was over thinking”
and not going with hear and now, I had almost lost sight of the starting point
and the battle I was facing and almost took two steps back.
So an executive decision was made this
morning to only think about the current day, not tomorrow or what is happening
next week or the week after, just today.
So each day I will wake up and make up mind my what I am going to do
that day. Naturally on a workday I will
go to work, it would be foolish to mess around with the first battle I fought
and won. I don’t need to tell you how
much I love my job unless this is the first time you have read my blog then all
you need to know it’s VERY MUCH! Yes I
am struggling to make ends meet due to the low pay, compared to what I was use
to earning, but the job satisfaction is the best I have ever experienced.
So what is this chap going to do about his
drinking having nearly stumbled at the first hurdle? Well first and foremost I am making today the
last day I drink period. There cannot be
any happy medium here and I do not have the strength to manage that. That much is clear to me as I sit here
writing this post with a glass of wine in front of me. Secondly, as just mentioned is not plan for the
next day until I wake up for that day. I
do not want to have to go to sleep with a mind full of tackling the drinking
and trying to find ways to beat it each day only to disappoint myself when my
plans do not come together for one reason or not. Planning to go out tomorrow with my camera
and it not happening is not an option, planning to do the housework and it not
happening equally so. This way I can go
to sleep with a clear mind, hopefully get a good nights sleep and wake up
fresh. I can then decide what I need and
want to do with my day and focus on that.
So as things stand I have nothing planned for tomorrow but when I wake
up and assess the day I will make a decision and go with that. The Royal Mail tried to deliver my mobile
studio kit today but I am not going to make a decision whether to pick it up
tomorrow or not until tomorrow morning.
My morning did have a highlight and that
was coffee with the girls. A group of
online shoppers decided it would be good to get together outside of work for a
coffee and chat and today was the day.
Interestingly I was the only non girlie who attended the coffee morning
and I have to admit it felt very strange to be the only chap there but in a
good way. It was good to chat and relax
and enjoy each other’s company outside work, very refreshing.
Equally refreshing was the drive out in the
countryside enjoying the warmer day and looking at future photographic
opportunities especially landscapes.
Then again that turned out to be too much future planning so I parked
that thought and just enjoyed the drive.
I did take two pictures today of some
horses I came across. They were young
and frisky and full of life, here are the two photos, nothing special, as I was
not really in photographer mode.
Tomorrow is another day, what it will be is another matter but I will chose my plan tomorrow.
So until the next time take care,
Si x
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