I am so frustrated with myself I can tell
you, so disappointed that I had a drink yesterday, ashamed even. I did not enjoy it and it meant I hardly slept
again and it almost ruined today. Such was it’s impact on me that I found it
hard to kick start my day. I could not
focus on my job and it took most of the morning to get into gear. If I could pick myself up by the scruff of
the neck and give myself a good shaking I would. I felt like I have let myself and the people
around me down, I am so sorry peeps. If anything
it served as a reminder as the to the effects it has on my day and me, all of
them negative as far as I can see.
In some respects I can draw strength from
yesterday as it confirms that I am doing the right thing. My life is better off without alcohol ruling
the roost. From now on I am going to
tell those close to me if I want to buy alcohol and they are to say no, that is
all that is needed I think. Hopefully I
will not be in that position again but with so many amazing people around me I
know I am going to win this battle.
If you don’t know and why should you I am
passionate about photography, I love the art and being behind my camera. It is always good to receive feedback from
people regarding my work. In online
forums I usually get quotes like “nice pic”, “cool photo” or just a smiley face
or thumbs up icon. Not exactly the short
of feedback that is either helpful or encouraging. So you can image my delight when a fellow
shopper sent me the following comment that was warmly received and made this
chap feel very good, thank you Ms Hernanz-Lillo.
“Just had a proper look at your website and I am very
impressed. I like your "people" and "street photography"
very much. I think you have a very personal aesthetic, specially on the black
and white pics. The pictures are obviously well though out, but they feel
honest and immediate, which is refreshing in this age of crazy filters and
intrusive editing. I particularly love that you are not imposing a particular
mood into the image, as that allows the subjects and the scenario to speak for
themselves; some feel joyous, some melancholic, etc. You give a portrayal of
everyday life that is not intrusive nor seems to have an agenda. To me, the
images you have created feel very gentle and compassionate.”
In fact she is spot on as when out with
my camera on the streets I do not like to impose. My street photography is a reflection of how I like to watch
life around me go about its business, watching from the sidelines. It is good to know that I have been
successful in including my thoughts and feelings in my work. Big smile.
If you have not seen my website please pay a visit and if you have time
let me know what you think as a whole or if you have a favourite
photograph. The address is www.slawrencephotography.com.
That neatly brings me on to the music album
I mentioned yesterday, “From Broken to Bethany” by Therese Hood. The more I listen to it the more I understand
the songs and their message, it is such a beautiful album it has made it into
my top ten albums to be stuck on a desert island with. What makes the album so special is that it is
a personal story of Therese’s life and experiences. The
CD explains the reasons behind the story being told and when you listen to the
music and read the lyrics that story hits home, hard in some cases. I hope Tess does not mind me quoting from the
album but it has struck such a cord with me that I want to share it.
‘From
Broken to Bethany’ is a true story… A
story that tells, in part, my life experiences, but also of many that I have
encountered over the years. It starts
with the pain of a lost childhood, sexual abuse and then the inevitable
consequences of such a beginning. Wrong
relationships, wrong lifestyle choices, living a life with little or no real
self worth. For a great part of my life,
I have believed that fear and love go together and have only felt a sense of
security in violent and fearful relationships.
Then,
parenting. Trying against all the odds
to nurture children, with little or no good experience to draw on. Living, and failing daily, then leads to
shame, guilt and more fear. Fear for the
children’s present and future lives.
I
have lived and sometimes wanted to die in the midst of it all, but I have found
hope. The Lord Jesus Christ, by the
loving power of His Holy Spirit has helped me in the midst of my hopelessness,
despair and just wanting to be me. He
has set about restoring my life since I allowed him into my place of hiding. It is Jesus who has led me gently by the hand
into the presence of the perfect parent, my Father in heaven.
I
would not say I now get it ‘right’ all the time, but I do have someone to turn
to when I inevitably get it wrong. I am
forgiven all things through my belief that Jesus Christ died on the cross for
me. Because of that knowledge, I have
been able to forgive my abuser and forgive myself for my mistakes.
I
dedicate this album to those who are still hiding, that they may find the
courage to knock on the one true door of hope.
Also, in loving memory of my late father and mother, for doing their
very best in the most difficult of circumstances.
Having read that then listening to the
songs makes so much difference, especially the track entitled “Lay Down”. It has to be the first song to make me feel
sad and angry at the story it tells.
This is a shameless plug but the album is
so beautiful I shed not a tear of guilt, the album can be brought here and on
iTunes.
I have never been one for reading album
covers or getting to know the lyrics of songs, it is usually the rhythm or beat
that I am attracted too. But I am slowly
starting to listen to the lyrics too, after all the artist took the time to
write them! Mind you when it comes to
the likes of Scritti Politti or Owl City I am beginning to wonder! I also now understand why I have received
funny looks or a strange reaction to my song choices in the past. In know that a lot of song writers tell of
their personal experiences through their music but it is often difficult to
understand without a lot of research.
Tess has, by including a short story brought her music to life in a way I
have never experienced before, thank you very much from the bottom of my heart,
Si x. From no one I intend to get to
understand my music in more detail, feel the music rather than just listen to
it.
Well that is all for now this chap is tired
and is looking forward to a good nights sleep free of troubling thoughts and
alcohol. This Tigger wants his bounce
back and is on a mission to find a super bounce.
Until next time take care.
Si x
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