So this is day one of my new battle against
my drinking and this post was brought to you without a hint of alcohol. I have not brought any or got any in the
flat. Well that is not true as there are
two bottles of spirits in the kitchen but I do not like spirits so they are
safe and they do not threaten my battle.
So how do I feel about it, well ok actually, it has been on my mind on
and off over the course of the day but it never became a nagging issue?
So with a big cup of tea in front of me rather than a glass of wine or a
can of beer I start this post.
I order to fight this battle I have had to
dismiss all my other issues, well not dismiss them but push them out of the
way. I have managed to completely stamp
out the pointless frustrations I have been experiencing at work. I was not able to resolve them and to be
honest it would have taken a lot of energy to do so. By stamping them out in my head and
dismissing them from any future consideration it is a weight off my
shoulders. It also means that I can
focus on my job and ensure that I do that to the best of my ability.
I woke up today with that the dry throat
and fuzziness that follows a nights drinking wine. That is the first thing that my drinking did
is spoil the start of my day. It will
interesting to see how different I feel tomorrow. As I write this I do not feel any pressure to
have a drink nor do I miss it. I do know
that this is only the start of the battle and it is going to be interesting to
see how not drinking effects each part of my day and my ability to respond to
events. I am not going to focus so much
on not drinking as understanding how different I feel and think. This is why I am taking each day as it comes
as much as possible and why I woke up today not truly knowing what I was going
to do.
So how do you get through a day where
nothing is planned? Well as it turns out
very well and it was a lot of fun too. I
also switched off my mind for the duration as well as I have been doing a lot
of over thinking of late and that something I am prone to doing. Having dismissed the frustrations the day
almost instantly felt better. In fact
throughout the day, on three or four occasions in fact, I felt so good. Just allowing myself to feel and be
stimulated by the world around me felt refreshing. It
was a new experience for me and makes me realise the progress I have made. Even with the dark cloud that has been
menacing over my head the last week is feeling a little a bit lost and has
retreated. I have drawn a lot of
strength from today, I made little steps throughout the day and made them steps
stick.
I know and feel that removing my drinking
issue from my life will make facing all the battles I have yet to fight easier
as it affects my ability to deal with them.
I have tried to stop before but looking back I was nowhere empowered or
ready enough to start dealing with it. I
am not going to make any bold statements this time as it is one day at a time.
If you were wondering how much of a problem
my drinking has been the recommended weekly allowance for a chap of my age and
build is 21units of alcohol. Well at
times I have been drinking five times that.
I cannot change what has been; I am not proud of what I have allowed to happen and I am determined to move on.
Today was about enjoying the Daffodils, the
fresh air, beautiful countryside and good old farmers food and new emotions. I enjoyed lunch at a local farm shop, lunch
was amazing and being surround by the blue rinse set very amusing. If it was not for a young mother and her daughter
I would have halved the average age of the customers for sure.
Well I am going to leave it there for
today.
Until next time take care.
Si x
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